Wednesday, 17 June 2009

my fat and my friends.

I was thinking that moving home for the summer was going to be boring because I really don't have any friends here any more. And I've always kind of believed that the friends I did have didn't really like me because I was fat and ugly. But moving back I've realised that I blamed my friends for not including me in things because I was fat, was wrong. I pushed them away because I was insecure about my being fat and them clearly not being fat. Looking back I would make excuses not to go out with them because I would feel like a fat moose. And it got to the point where I stopped going out at all and resented them for having lots of fun with out me. But now I am realising its a two way street. I have to start communicating with them. People do have lives outside mine. I think I have to burst this bubble of 'I'm fat no one likes me'.

What better time to do it than when I am feeling great and positive and on track? So these last couple of days I got in touch with a few people I used to know and voila. I have some semblance of a social life. Got a few other things planned this week :D In fact I went out to a comedy night last night and had a frickin' awesome time. I didn't worry how fat I looked or if people liked me. I just went with the flow and had a good time. Though maybe a few gin and tonics helped that.....

Being alone made me miserable and depressed me more and in turn food became a very intimate friend. It's not the foods fault its so yummy. It was my shitty attitude. My lack of desire to face the music. Right now I feel like I am waltzing in the right direction. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this positive attitude sticks with me a while 'cause I need this momentum to keep going.

Little things are keeping me positive too... I loved my gym session yesterday. I got so much energy from it and came home and did my sports active for the day too. The exercise left me buzzing and cleansed. My eating is going great. I can actually do my hair the way the hair dresser did it. (i hate it when they make it unmanageable!) I love the nail polish I have on. ( thanks again big_mummy). I making other personal positive waves and they are clearly helping me to stay focused losing weight. I hope I can up this balance of goodness.

I hope my positiveness is catching! Have a good one!


jessi said...

I'm so glad you are feeling so great!!! Congrats!

big_mummy said...

i love the positive you!! really suits you- cant wait to see you whoop the scales butt this week!! woop woop!

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Glad to see you're feeling so much better! We've all used our layers of fat as an excuse to isolate, you're shedding those layers, no more isolation allowed!


Emily said...

yay for you!! I am happy that you are feeling great.

And yes, your positiveness is catching. :o)

I did exactly the same thing with my friends. I am still struggling with it actually, and am going to try to 'want' to go out with them when they ask me. (most of them stopped asking me a long time ago).
It can be hard to change the way you think, but it is possible.

Way to go on turning things around!!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Your friends are seeing what we already know: that you're a pretty cool chick.

Watching and Weighting said...

what a great post!! I can 'hear' the positivity vibing off you big style!! way to go!!!!!!!!!

I glad youre so happy - long may it continue! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you...Your positive attitude, and loving yourself again is jumping through the posts and that is so great!!

Keep up your great effort and WORK!!
You are doing great!!

Aimee said...

this post just made me smile.. :)

good for you!

TJ said...

:) Thats great that you got in touch with some old friends! Get out there and have fun girl! :) YEAH TO FEELING GREAT!

Carlos said...

thats what im screaming way to reconnect

Learning to be Less said...

Dude, sunshine is beaming through my computer screen from all your positivity. Good for you for recognizing you pushed people away.

I did the same. And then when they stopped asking me to do things I thought "what aa jerk, not wanting to be my friend anymore". Even better for you that you are contacting those people now.

That is true growth my friend.

antgirl said...

Oh yaaay!! This is a major NSV missy. I adore your change of perspective. It's those mindset shifts that get us down the road.

I'm glad you're finally seeing what the rest of us see, a fabulous and fun chic with a great wit and a lovely heart. What's not to like about you?

Monica said...

You have no idea how badly I needed this post. I have never thought of my problem this way. I dont know how Ill end up changing it but youve definitely got me thinking.

Thank you!!! And Im so happy that you are happy!