Wednesday, 26 August 2009

blah

Last night it all kicked off. Massive family drama. I don't know if I've mentioned it or not but my sister is a huge source of trouble for me. No matter what I do or don't do its my fault. My mam defends her no matter what. And even though she's a bitch to me constantly she's my sister and I love her. But I can't take any more of her crap. A while back I lent her some money and now that I need it for my rent it's not acceptable. LONG STORY SHORT... she went berserk at me last night over the money she owes me. My mam defended her and then threatened to walk out and not come back... because get this... MY ATTITUDE. It was a very surreal moment. I need to get out of this poisonous environment asap. It was just the last straw and I think you can tell from my blog, I am a big ol' cryer. Wear the emotions on the sleeve. So I just broke down and really sobbed. Probably over dramatically but it just came out. (i guess it wasn't just that one moment but the culmination of all the times I let her walk all over me) ok ok ok I'm gonna save the rest for therapy....

Instead of talking to some one about it I went straight for the fridge. And scarfed down anything with cheese. I had a massive cheese overload. And you know what? I don't really even like cheese that much. But it didn't stop me from getting out the nachos practically emptying an entire bag of cheese on it... an entire tub of salsa and just ploughing through it. My only saving grace is that I stopped eating at 95 %... and then I had like 10 spring rolls. Not healthy ones I could easily make at home ooooooooh nooooo. DEEP FAT FRIED ONES. bah.

*points at self* stupid person. I hope I grasp what I am doing before it happens next time. Oh I know there'll be a next time. I just love this shitty repetitive behaviour, don't you? It wouldn't have been too bad but I didn't really pull any moves at the gym. Stupid people chatting all the time. 20 minute limit on the machines. It just sucked.

So today? Completely regret the fat fest. What can I do? Move on. Again. Not whine or obsess about it and hopefully work my butt off the rest of the week and pray to maintain. On top of all this crap my period is like three weeks late. Bah. The fact that it is currently pissing it down outside does not help one ounce. Though it is not like I can't exercise inside...

Postives...
My sister is going away for a couple of days.
Both my brother and dad are away til Saturday.
I should be moving out in less than two weeks.
I finally made it into size 24 at Asda (Walmart) so I got myself two cardigans.
Back on track food wise.
This is only the second time I have sat down all day. Bring on those steps.

Just want to say a massive thank you to all of those lovely people that commented on my guest post on Carlos's blog last week. Which you can read here.... awesomest guest post ever.

15 comments:

Dina said...

Sorry, that sounds rough. I am a big old stress eater too. I can know it's stupid before I start doing it, but it's the only thing that works.

I'm glad you can see the toxicity in your family, don't think it's your fault.

Hope things get better :)

Fat Daddy said...

Oh dear...it sounds so much like you need to get out of there.

I'm sooo sorry for your pain. forget the binge...it happens. The question is what will you do now going forward of course.

I hope things turn around for you soon.

Katie J said...

Ugghhh that is awful. Sorry she is so rotten to you. At least you know you have an out with the moving in two weeks. I imagining things will be LOTS better when you are out of there. Hang in there and hope the weeks just FLY by.

*fitcetera* said...

Please don't call our friend "stupid person".

This sure is a lot of stress to be dealing with.
It will be better in a few weeks.

Hang in there Simone.
{Hugs}

foolsfitness said...

I struggle with emotional eating at times, eat when your happy or sad... hey look at how most holidays seem to center around food. I actually handed out comics two years on halloween to rebel.

I've tried to come up with the idea that the "hole" I feel at times just isn't a food hole and while food can sedate it for a bit it won't fix it.

Speaking of fixing stuff, it's hard to me to make the connection that I can't take responcibility for others or their actions. I've actually told a couple of people point blank over the last couple of days... sorry my crap tank is full, you'll have to dump somewhere else. It's odd the way they look at me, almost like they are use to dumping on me.

hey, it's not to be arrogant to want it to be all about you sometimes. I've been fighting the mexican food urge all day.

After all tacos are the breakfast of choice at foolsfitness!-Alan

arielcircleofnine said...

stress for me = eating too!
Sounds like you'll have a few days of peace and quiet, and then back to Manchester in a couple weeks right? Try and relax and skate through; though I know its easier said than done!!!
Dont worry bout those nachos (they got me a few days back too didnt they?!? WTF!!). The rest of the day, the rest of the week and the rest of your life starts NOW. Go for it chickie!!!
And congrats on the smaller size!! Never knew Walmart was Asada in the UK by the way. And now Im rambling! :-D buck up sweets!

antgirl said...

You're not stupid. You are dealing the best you know how. Tell yourself that's OK until you figure something else out. 'Cause it is. :)

Hugs. Hate to hear you're so unhappy. If I were there, I would come help you pack and go.

You're doing what you need to, to get out. Keep your focus on that.

anne h said...

And I'd help antgirl help you pack up!
Sisters - mine is toxic as well. And I feel much better after avoiding toxic things and people.

F. McButter Pants said...

Babes,

So sorry about the drama. Living well is the best revenge. You are back on track and stepping up your activity. Forget about the cheesefest...move on Babes!

What is this about no period?? Have you been naughty?? lol

You ARE NOT STUPID. Don't make me have to come across the Atlantic and kick your arse...

{{{big puffy hug}}}

TJ said...

Hang in there! 2 more weeks then, your OUTTIE! :)

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

Family drama sucks. Hugs!

PS: thanks...now I want nachos. This week sucks.

Mary :: A Merry Life said...

Been there done that with the family issues AND the fat fests. Don't beat yourself up over it and don't call yourself stupid. Binges happen. It's a pretty common way to calm feelings. Don't beat yourself up. You've moved past it and are doing good today. :)

Emily said...

I totally understand your sister issues. I have sister issues too!! It can really suck and I know how easy it is to turn to food to make you feel better (for a little while!!)

Hang in there and remember to breathe. Have a good few days without her in the house!

hugs
oh and ps - i love the new look blog - i haven't had a chance to look at it until now. V nice!!

MackAttack said...

Family is SO hard! I am sooo sorry! Don't worry about last night, today is a new day. Good job on all the steps!

big_mummy said...

your sister honestly!!! she knew the deal when she borrowed it, not like she doesnt have a job eithere!! annoying much. still you will be out of there soon and be able to appreciate your family from a distance again.

hmmm nachos. fuck. yum. biatch.