My sisters stomach growled loudly through out the entire movie. So loud I could hear it about the film, I mean, come on, films aren't quiet. So afterwards shes ravenous and the easiest option to her is to stop at McDonald's. I am immune to McDonald's so it wasn't too bad. Her food smelt horrible and looked terribly greasy so I was even tempted. She kept offering me bites and shoving it in my face saying one bite won't hurt.... I got past that. And then from out of no where she turns and says to me "losing weight isn't going to solve all of your problems. You'll just find new excuses to hide behind." For like thirty seconds I was like 'What?'. She went on to say that I wouldn't be miraculously cured of all my bad hang ups and that I still wouldn't be confident.
I do wear my emotions on my sleeve and was initially hurt by what she said. I don't know why it came to her to say that while she was chomping on fried chicken and were just listening to the radio. I realise losing weight is not a miracle cure to gaining full confidence but I dare say being happier and healthier may boost my confidence just a little. I just wish she would focus on the positive of this journey with me instead of the negative. I don't need to worry about what will happen when I get there I need to focus on the now. She constantly says things like 'I'd rather be fat than eat that' or 'You've been saying you'll be skinny for years'. Even when she says some positive it is immediately followed by something negative. Some times she is hard to be around. But I don't have many friends and really rely upon her company when I am the family place.
My sister isn't skinny or slim. She is over weight. But she really does carry it well and she's really pretty to boot. Her curves are curves, mine are just enormous lumps. She has great dress sense and no matter what she does to her she always looks good. Maybe part of me is jealous that shes fat but looks good and has millions of friends. Its just when I make an effort to look good I end up just looking OK and feel there's no point in doing it. So I don't bother. Perhaps I should make an effort to dress better despite loathing clothes shopping with a burning passion and maybe do my hair more? I feel its wasted though because I don't really go out and no one will see it or care. Maybe it would just make me feel better.
Maybe... Maybe... Maybe.
This is by no means a miserable post or self pity party :D I am full of energy today and am actually happy... it's just a bit of melancholy moment, just needed to air it out so it won't ruin my day.