Exam stress to the maximum.
Clean eating... exercise prior to exam lock down.
Weigh in over. CHAOS.
I don't know what registers in my head that says 'phew, its over eat what the fuck what you like.'
Today I did. An entire packet of biscuits. AN ENTIRE PACK. An enormously cheese stacked pizza meant for sharing. Huge pack of crisps too. And absolutely no exercise. None. Sloth mode returns. That was on top of regular meals.
I am officially stupid. ONE STEP FORWAED. FIVE STEPS BACK.
Sound familiar? I think this is like the fourth post of this kind.
Great loss. Massive binge.
This post is starting to bore me already.
So, yeah. What did I do about? Cry. Like a baby. Pathetic sorry for myself sobs. Got in the bath and read for like four hours. Blocked everything out. Did not want to think about anything. Didn't want to think about the gain that is clearly gonna happen this week 'cause I really can't be bothered to work out enough to even it out. Plus I have another exam tues-thurs. (i have 48 hours to write four thousand words of my best stuff, so thats two days spent in ze library)
I heard the phrase today 'Either crap or get off the pot'.
I feel like it applies to my attitude to losing weight. do or don't. I keep telling myself I really want to lose this weight. I've made lists of reasons why I want to, even need to. I've set goals and targets. I started a blog. But do I? If I really wanted it as bad as I tell people, wouldn't I just get the fuck on with it and lose weight consistantly? If I'm not gonna do it properly is there any point in doing it at all?
You know what happens now? I dissappear for a couple of days. Clean eating. Exercise. Get a great attitude about weightloss. Get back on track. Lose three pounds and end up back at the beginning. I just don't think I can take this cycle much longer.
And yeah I could list all the positives from losing the weight so far. But losing (almost) two stone honestly doesn't feel like a big enough motivator to keep it going. I don't feel like I've lost enough in the time I started this weight loss journey. DOESN'T FEEL SIGNIFICANT.