Saturday, 29 August 2009

LOSER and not the good kind...

I am sick of writing the same old excuses for eating with reckless abandon. I am sick of typing it. Sick of telling it to myself. Seeing it on my blog. Feeling stupid because I am definitely not learning. I ACTUALLY FEEL PHYSICALLY SICK. My body hates what I have done this week. Yet I do it any way. WHY? I am really stupid. Too lazy to say no. Whiny. Full of lame excuses. Broken promises. Even this sounds like a fuckin' broken record.

I read other peoples blogs and give encouragement and advice and try to motivate them. How can I do that when I can't do it for myself? I feel like a huge hypocrite. A FRAUD. Then when people make mistakes like I do and whine like I do, I am all just DO IT. STOP FUCKING WHINING. but it is hard. There is no point going on like this. It's making me miserable. I need to get my fucking head back in the game.

Hope you're all still here when I dig my head out the sand!
Ciao for now.


Carlos said...

self motivation is a hard trick. i think that's why blogging is so important. it reminds us that we aren't along in the suck... keep at it, you can do this

Monica said...

Well! I was just about to write the same entry today! :( I have no idea why food sometimes tastes better than life. Its an addiction.

You look great in that video though! So as hard as it is right now, just keep the faith, girlie :)

arielcircleofnine said...

honey bunny, you are NOT stupid or lazy. you're human, and humans like to eat with reckless abandon!! Gluttonous bunch we are!! Fat and sweet and fizzy pop all tastes so delicious---gods know why, since its not what our bodies NEED, but they do get us drooling.
I myself ate too much last night of food I DID NOT EVEN WANT OR ENJOY, and today wasnt exactly stellar either.
I totally get that you need your head in the game, so maybe lay low for a few and think about things. You have a lot going on right now. Maybe once the new apartment issue is settled and you know more about that you can begin to look ahead to how your life will be very very soon. Big changes coming, and I know that even though you are feeling angry at yourself and bummed out and a bit defeated, that soon Simone will come back out, swinging! Because thats what you do...we've all seen it.
Take your time sweets, we are NOT going anywhere!!!

Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

Simone, you're overwhelmed by what's in front of you, but it doesn't have to be that hard. Shoot for one good day. Start stringing good days together. It does get easier... I promise you that it gets easier if you can hang in there.

I'm rooting for you, kid.

Kate said...

I hate how sad you look in your video. :(

Hopefully things will start looking up for you soon!

Fat Daddy said...

start again tomorrow, dear...there is no use kicking yourself more. It is so one day at a time this struggle we are in.

It is worth it.

jo said...

I can't hear your videos..but I can see, and I see a lot of pain.


Sweetie, if it were easy, none of us would be overweight. You're young and proactive. I'm 44 and didn't get serious until this year. Look how much ahead of the game you are.

One day at a time. You can do this. There are going to be good days and bad days. Do NOT let bad days get the best of you. Just move on.

I wish you knew how beautiful you are -- I look at your videos and see it.

Keeven said...

Our words become reality and our minds uses the words we speak to identify what we feel. If you say "I am a Loser", your brain believe you are a loser and will encourage you to eat more. So start saying " I am beautiful".

foolsfitness said...

Please don't go away for long. We are in this together! I can't tell you how much I appreciate you leaving comments on my blog! I never once thought of you as a "fraud" but someone on the journey with me... and I've had my own "dark" times with the mistress of Chinese Food.

I'm thinking as a community we are all fighting the same thing... I know I've had this humungous desire for mexican food I've been fighting for a week.

It's not one choice or seven even seventeen, but a total of many choices. Just take a breath and make on step forward again. Look back on some times where you have had some major positve steps.

Take a breath, but please don't go for long. I'd really like you to walk with me in this. Trust me there will be times where you will wait for me too.

I just did a post where I mentioned how much it modivates me when people comment. That's YOU too.

foolsfitness- Alan

Lisa said...

I almost wrote the same post tonight..

- Lisa

Val said...

I know just how you feel. It suck ass. I don't know why bad choices are so easy to make

However, you going away will just make us readers depressed. And then we will EAT more. And that will be terrible! So blog or you will make me fatter! ;)

Seriously-do what you need to do, but don't be too hard on yourself. This happens, and you can get past it :)


Fat Lazy Guy said...

I don't know what to say, I just wanted to let you know I support you and I want you to be happy.

*fitcetera* said...

Oh Simone, honey ... please don't say goodbye.
You are NOT alone with your struggles believe me sweetie.
Blogging about the downs is just as important. It's where we learn the most about ourselves.
When I see you on the videos, I could just hug you to pieces.
I slid off the rails this week myself. It's harder to get back up when we chastise ourselves for it and call ourselves cruel names.
Quit calling our friend stupid and lazy.
We will kick your ass! :D

Mary :: A Merry Life said...

It is hard to motivate yourself and stay motivated to always do the things you need to do. But you can do it. Just aim for one day at a time and don't fret so much over the shitty days and weeks where you do everything the opposite of what you should. You are like the rest of us. We all struggle.

HopeFool said...

Sweetie, Fraud here. I know what you mean when you say you feel hypocritical because I do too.

The only part of my program I am keeping right now is the blog reading and posting once a week. It's not much, BUT IT IS BETTER THAN NOTHING.

Depending on who I'm reading, I'm reminded that people can and do change their lives, or I'm comforted that others are struggling too.

Don't quit on you. You're worth every effort.

Julie said...

I know how you feel. I can honestly say that with assurance.
I have been there in fact I am there right now.
Please don't give up find it in you to keep going no matter what.
We all fall off once in a while and a break is not a bad thing if you know deep down inside you can rejump the on the wagon when you are ready.

You are not stupid or lazy it happens to the best of us.
The thing to remember is that at least you did not screw up all you have done so far. You just need to start again, and be thankful you realized what you did.
It's important to not get carried away and not realize what you have done, those are the times we lose it.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

omg Simone your video absolutely broke my heart, brought me to tears. I feel exactly the same as you do at the moment. I'm so ready to just give it all up.

I adore you girlie, and hope you find whatever it is that you need to keep going. If there's anything I can do to help...please please let me know!

SeaShore said...

One step, one moment at a time. Don't get mired down in the crap that happened yesterday, or overwhelmed by how far you need to go.

Please don't stay away long.

antgirl said...

First, quit calling you names. I quite like you ... a lot. You are hardly stupid.

You need something and the only way you know how to get some semblance of it is by grabbing for that stuff. What are you really looking for? Work on that and I bet your better choices start to get a firmer hold.

You're under a lot of stress and in a tough situation. Give yourself some time to figure it out. You will. I have every confidence you will. Why? Because you want to so badly. Therefore, you will make it happen ... She-ra. I already doled out Wonder Woman and Supergirl, so I think I shall dub thee She-ra.

big_mummy said...

i totally agree with carlos, this is part of your journey, you have said to me a hundred times how blogging helps you, so dont go you can do this.

Things will be different when your back at uni, youve eaten like crap this week just because youve missed me.... get over it simone, you cant have me, i mean the odd long weekend is ok but really, sheesh.

i really really do miss you though. and hey cheer up woman its our birthdays this month. remember what you said to me?? 22 is IT. you CAN do it, draw a line under it and join me. xx

Anonymous said...

Oh,my friend I wish I was seeing your smiling face...losing weight is a hard journey for most of us, and it is full of ups and downs, and it's something we will always have to work on and be conscious of. It's hard, but it's obtainable. You are not alone here.Don't beat yourself up just take small steps towards your health, and you'll be up and running again in no time. Please don't give up. You can do this. You are worth the hard work. Come back!!!


MackAttack said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I wish I had something wise or witty to say, but we don't get bored hearing what's going on, so share and share away...

Learning to be Less said... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!

You do not get to take a time out. Who will make me laugh? You are like my favorite. So you had a bad week. You feel like shit. Do something about it. Eat better, go for a walk but don't leave me.

Losing weight is hard. It can super suck, those are the times you just have to push through.

Girl, you are so much more than your weight. You are a bright light in life. You are a true joy. You may not see that but we do. Take a nap and come back to us.

If you don't come back soon (like in an hour) I will stalk you!!!

Katie J said...

Take care of you Simone but please don't leave us for long. Your struggles are part of the journey but it is hard to go through. Like Jo said you are a young lady with so much ahead of you and you CAN DO THIS!(I am 43 and doing it now)

You are bright and beautiful and have a kind and caring heart. Your eyes sparkle and you are a witty chick and we LOVE YOU! You will move past this rough spot and be stronger for it. Hang in there and we will see you soon right? XOXOX

CactusFreek said...

We are all there/have been there. Your post sounds like my life right now, but with booze :o(

Just take it one meal or day at a time.
Have you read Dr.Phils weight loss book? That's pretty good and easy to get into :o)

anne h said...

Precious Little Lamb.
Hope you feel the Love that is all around you.

Jenn said...

Just do it, woman. You don't need will power or a magic wand. Just DO IT. I know you can, YOU know you can!

Fat[free]Me said...


I tell ya, without the blogs I would be sat on my Lazy Boy, stuffing my face with one hand and the TV remote in the other.

Don't quit the blogosphere - you are NEEDED on here and it will help you to keep that motivation going.

I agree with the comments that it is one day at a time. We CAN eat healthily just for one day, worry about tomorrow when it comes and do what you can on that day.

Never, ever wait for motivation or inspiration or willpower to come and do it for you. They are elusive and unreliable. You have to do it for yourself - no-one or nothing can do it for you (sadly).

I know you can do it - go girl!

Learning to be Less said...

Where are you??? What are you doing??? Do I need to book a flight and track you down????

Girl, hope you are feeling better. We miss you. 3 days??? How much longer??? I think it is obvious that I teach young children, it is also my mantality.

I look forward to seeing your update soon.

Anonymous said...

foolsfitness misses you! I hope you are ok