Last night saw me the opposite to positive. My sister was around causing lots of trouble and as usual I got it in the neck. I really don't have the time to explain what happened but its obvious I live in a parallel universe to my family because after all her screaming, vicious hurtful words and foul language I was the bad person... so go figure. So I really was feeling rock bottom. I don't know how much longer I can survive here. My mood is up and down like a vicious yo yo. And last night I was very close to just letting loose and eating what ever the fuck I could get my hands on but instead I had nice chat with my guru and levelled out with three rice cakes, calorie counted of course. I had really good cry... I mean a really cry. Two hours of hard core sobbing. On the plus side I actually got an apology out of her and I had a really good nights sleep. Maybe I needed a release.
My family have eaten out so much this week its annoying. I am so proud of myself for not joining them once. I did crack last week. But no bakery, no fish and chips, no fatty bacon sarnies. Its so hard but my will power is getting strong. I cannot wait to get back to having my own place and getting away from all this negative behaviour. It is driving me insane.
What I am not proud of is. I sneaked a peek on the scales this morning. My mam had left them out and I thought surely this one look won't hurt... why do i do it? Every time. It just disheartens when I think it will motivate. Stoopid. I have decided I do like it best just not knowing until official weigh in. Even if I do complain about it. I just feel like what ever I am doing is just not working.
My sports active work outs are clearly not happening. I just can't get any tv time at all. Sucky but every thing else is bang on so I'm not gonna cry over it. C25k week3day2 went alot better.
minimum of 2 litres of water a day. DONE
10, 000 steps. 10775
no longer than 4 hours to blog.DONE
at least 5 portions of fruit/veg. 9.1
45 minutes of exercise every day. C35K (26 mins) 45 minutes stepping
at least one form out door exercise. did my c25k outside.
complete my 30 day sports active on time this time. FAIL
plan meals. (especially for weekends away) Eating the chilli i made and the fish was lovely.