Monday, 2 May 2011

Out of the dark and into the light??

Hello my name is Simone.

And I am a serial quitter.

I do not even know where to begin. I daren't even weigh in I know that I have gained that much. I cannot believe i have let myself get far worse than when I first started. It is embarrassing and shameful. I have been un able to even read others blogs because the success stories remind I am the worst kind of loser and the people in my position just echo the sad mess I find myself in. Neither producing motivation of any kind.

The last couple of weeks I have blamed the gains on work related stress and other family related problems. Why can I not be one of those people who lose weight in stressful times? bah.

I cannot get any fatter. My brother is a lot fatter than me and I cannot reach that level. I watch his struggles and weight related problems, I CANNOT BECOME LIKE HIM. I struggle enough as it is. I am in fact so far back past square one, I can no longer see it. It is a vague shape in the dark.

I feel lost. stuck. sad.alone.fat.miserable.confused.angry.helpless.

But I need to do this. I dont want to die before I am thirty.

over and out.

9 comments:

arielcircleofnine said...

If at first you dont succeed, try try (and try) again!!! Weve all fallen off and gotten back on, fallen off and reached up again; that is the mark of a fighter my dear. You can do it, starting a new busy job is stressful, family "stuff" is stressful. I am not one to lose weight during stressful times either, I comfort eat! But one day at a time & baby steps!!!!

Katie J said...

Simone! I can assure you that it is easier at your age to do this. You deserve all that life has to offer and it is hard to enjoy life being heavy and uncomfortable (speaking from experience) YOU can change but YOU have to want to do it for YOU.

You don't want to have to sleep with a machine, do shots and take lots of meds do you?

We love you and want to see you succeed. You don't have to tackle it all at once. Just choose one thing to focus on and go from there. We will help you any way we can doll xoxox

32-P said...

Lurker de-lurking here... I have read your blog for a long time, Simone, and I'm hurting along with you with this entry. All I can say is: it'll be OK. Not losing weight doesn't mean that you're bad, or evil, or stupid, or broken. Being fat doesn't mean that you're horrible and being thing wouldn't mean that you were perfect. You're trying, and you are aware, and that is awesome. Go easy on yourself, go slow with the weightloss, and know that we're cheering you on. :)

Debby said...

My name is Debby.
And I am a serial re-starter.

How's that for a different spin on things?

You don't have the corner of the 'being worse than before you started' market young lady. Nope.

You're not lost, you knew where to come...here...home. Start reading blogs again. Just because you're not losing doesn't mean you can't read the assholes, I mean the successful people's blogs. I keep reading a few. It keeps a healthy lifestyle in the back of my mind. Sure it's not what I'm living, but at leas I'm thinking about it.

I do plan to get back on track. Soon.

I'll tell you one thing straight up. It's much easier at your age than it is at mine. You might not die at 30...but let me tell you something little missy....I'm only 52. That might seem old to you, but it's not old. My knees hurt so bad my walking gait has changed. My hips are so screwed up it hurts to move. My foot has so much pain I can't even step out of bed without shoes on. Why? Because I'm fat and I was fat in my 20's and I didn't do anything about it. Pain is hindering my life and I could have done soemthing about it at your age and I didn't. Plain and simple.

I was going to come to England this summer. Now I don't want to. It hurts to walk so what's the point? Is this what you want to be at 52? You will be if you don't get up on that horse now. I don't want to see you like this. I don't want to see anyone like this. It's just stupid. Here I'm retired and could be going and doing and I just can't. No, this is not what you want, nor what you deserve.

You are right. You need to do this. I am here to help you.

Hugs.

Treading Lightly said...

A lot of us are on the journey with you. You can do it.

Beth @ Kitchen Minions said...

don't let my nonstop blogging fool you, I'm totally off the wagon too! yikes! I'm glad you're back, this whole process sucks big time! Don't leave us so long again!

Life as a Caterpillar said...

Simone!

Take those tags off! Cut out the self-hate!

We are ALL the same. I haven't lost weight in months because i have been sick, so i know how you feel.

You were going to email me a while back, you can still email me.

I was wondering about you last week.

Coem back to blog land, look at all your friends here who have posted for you

Take it one day at a time.
Drink your water
Do some exercise
and repeat the next day

Babysteps

xxx
lesley

F. McButter Pants said...

I echo everything everyone else said. You can do this. Just one good for you choice at a time. JUST ONE! It will make you feel so much better about yourself you'll want to make another.

I promise

Maggie said...

Not everyone makes mistakes. some people get everything right the first time. They're called Liars! We all fall behind sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't give up! To quote Stewie Griffin - "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right." I don't know if you're looking for sites that really do a good job with nutrition and fitness, or if you will consider this stepping on toes. If I'm stepping on toes, sorry, you can just delete the comment, but if you're open to suggestions- -My husband and I are really happy with the program we're using through http://www.reallifeforhealth.com. Their system is really easy to use and it does everything. They have 1000's of different recipes to choose from and they help you build a fitness and nutrition plan that suits your goals. For the nutrition part they even send you printable daily meal plans and menus, as well as printable daily or weekly grocery lists, which are broken down by the area of the grocery store or supermarket. I like that all the recipes contain 12 ingredients or less, so they are easy enough for even my hubby to cook. And I like that there's no fad diets, pills, or required supplements. Their exercises are all made by a certified personal trainer and come with printable workout cards and details of how the exercises are done. If I'm not stepping on any toes, I suggest you check them out. They offer a free trial anyway, so there's harm in trying.