Soooo off I went to study. And then after great progess went back to the gym. I was so nervous. Because going to the gym is scary. Lots of people. Machines. Me in my shorts! Its a student gym so its lots of people my age but no fat people like me. That makes me nervous, a room full of already toned people maintaining the perfect body. But I thought f**k it. People will be focused on their own workouts to be looking at me. Stop being so self obsessed. I only had half an hour to spare and spent it on one of the exercise bikes. It turned out better than I imagined. The bikes are positioned behind the treadmills but before the weightlifting unit. So in front of me were lots of pretty guys running on the treadmill. And I got the sweet view of all their lovely bums! Which was very very nice. It made me pedal faster. I imagined they were out of my reach and I had to catch up with them. mmm.mmm. I was really worried about how my fat arse and back fat wobbled as I rode but I zoned out to my music and the half an hour I had planned went bY super quick. I came out and felt good. Not sure what 7 was on the distance column, miles or kilometres or whatever. I did 7. And it made my body sweat and move so yay. AND I DID IT IN MY SHORTS.
The blip, of my otherwise great day, was as I was waiting for the bus into university a car full of boys slowed down as they past me and yelled out 'fatty'. This is the second time this week that random people have made fat gestures at me. I don't get it. Just why? People say bad things come in threes but I really really hope not :( I don't think I could take another fat jibe. Maybe I need tougher skin but man it's just not nice. I don't understand why people need to tell me I'm fat. I KNOW I AM BLOODY FAT. I can actually see myself. I feel it. It just makes me want to scream out. I AM TRYING TO LOSE THIS F**CKING WEIGHT. CUT ME SOME SLACK. *deep breath* Venting over. Nasty language too. *cringes*
More than any other of the weigh ins so far I want to lose this week more than ever. Just to feel like I am on track, that I am doing it, just to prove to those people who I shouldn't even care about that I can do it. And also it would make my month if I make my first stone loss.