Yesterday = disaster.
Didn't make it to the shops. So no food. Ordered in Chinese food, TWO portions of satay chicken (one is like enough for 2 people) and a huge bag of chips (french fries) despite the voice in my head screaming " DON'T DO IT, DEFROST SOME CHILI" So I ate it. Even though I wasn't really hungry for it, even when I was full I just kept munching. Munch. Munch. Munch.
That wasn't all... oooohhhh nooo. One of those giant share size bags of maltesers, a 1.5 litre bottle of coke to wash it all down with and an enormous bag of sensation Tai sweet chili crisps.
Add that to the fact I've spent the last four days in sloth mode. Barely left the flat. Once to play cricket (which was actually fun)... and this morning to try and go to the gym. (it was closed, I forgot today's a stupid Bank Holiday) Moped around. Little or no movement. Read like four books.
Right now I just feel stupid. Very stupid. Yes, I felt super lonely and miserable but why do I resort to eating crap? WHY? When I'm doing it there's always a voice screaming no. AND I MEAN SCREAMING. but no. I block it out and just do it. Even in the moment the food doesn't make me feel better and I know afterwards my stomach aches and I feel like shit. I KNOW I will worry about what I ate and then stress over it. It never ends well yet I still bloody do it. I have come to the conclusion that I must be stupid.... or really slow. Why else would I keep doing it? I am seriously sick of not losing weight consistently. And frickin' sick of whining about it when I don't. No one else can sort it out. What's whinging about it gonna do? NOTHING.
I NEED TO JUST DO IT.