Monday, 12 July 2010

If you're really happy DO NOT READ this post. MISERABLENESS

This is going to be a long one.

Gawd... I am even tearing up as I right this. I am feeling really pathetic right now. I am eating like food is going out of fashion. And I am not caring. I just feel rock bottom again. Even when I am snacking I am thinking I am going to regret this then just continue chomp chomp chomping down on whatever. Moving back home is harder than I thought and not being able to find a job is killing me. I am tired and my back hurts from the airbed and being fat. All I am doing is whining. Making excuses. I just do not have the energy. For anything. I don't even want to get out of bed.

I signed back up at the gym today. (My gran is paying for my membership til I get back on my feet) and it just seemed like too much fucking effort. I was so close to actually just breaking right down there in the gym.

My head is clearly not in the right place. I don't want to be back to what I was when I started the blog but... I don't know... all I really feel like doing is crying. And whining to people how bad my life is.

I just do not know what to do.

12 comments:

Fat Girl vs. World said...

Cry until you can't cry anymore. Then pick yourself up and get out there.

Sometimes you need to pay attention to the negative emotions, give them a little time and care, and then let them go.

Focus on what it will take to have a good day and take steps (as small or big as you feel comfortable to take) and then make a move.

One foot in front of the other... you've got this.

Katie J said...

Hang in there sweetie! FG had it right. Even the tiniest steps still get you going in the right direction. Giving up is NOT an option missus.

Googie said...

I put a bag of Hershey's Hugs in my basket the other day and just threw myself a pitty party in bed when the kiddos were asleep. I ate the whole bag. I cried a little and then just got back on my feet. I know that more days will come like this down the road...but I also know that I am strong and can overcome this. You can overcome this feeling too!!

Anonymous said...

Think about why you find it so hard to loose weight at home. Ask yourself why you are there and is the alternative so bad. Be honest with yourself no-one else needs to know, although you have a lot of support her in blogland. If you can't think of a way to change things you have 2 choices - change how you react (it's easier said than done but you have the power to decide how you react to stuff other people do/say, you don't have to do what they say or what you have always done) or move out - even if you have to live in a bedsit or share a dive.
Life is choices - even if you don't make any decision you are effectively choosing not to change anything!

whatever happens don't give up!

Laura

F. McButter Pants said...

ok my Friend. You DID go sign up at the gym. Even though you didn't want to. You blogged about your feelings. You have done good things for yourself today. Small choice lead to the big goal.

Make this about treating yourself well. Forget about food for awhile. Just move everyday. The food will follow. Don't focus on that damn scale. Have your mum hide it really good. She's done it before. Make her do it again.

I knew moving home was going to be hard. It's hard every time. It mmakes it worse that you don't see the end in sight. There will be an end. This won't last forever.

Make taking care of yourself your fulltime job. You can do this. We will help.

BIG PUFFY HEART HUG!

Val said...

Aww hun :( Everybody gets blue. You are going through a hard time right now-you are NOT pathetic. It will get better. Don't give up!! You are still blogging and you joined a gym and being honest which is awesome!! Just remember we are always here to listen :)
Lots of hugs!!
Val

Scuttleboose said...

You and I are completely on the same wave... we do good for a few days, and then we do bad for a few days... arrgghhh how can we stop it?

Michael Hunter said...

Hey you were fab not to munch on mine and Emma's sweets at the weekend, and you didnt have any brekkie (maybe you should have had some toast..??)
Get out and about get your bike fixed, and ride to mine a few times a week...

right sorry cant chat much, as i am off out doing more reviews..oh the life is tough..!!!ha ha

Debby said...

I'm definitely not going to tell you to suck it up or pull up your big girl panties...that sure the hell didn't work for me.

C'mere...go ahead and snot and cry. I'm a mom...it's OK.

It sucks when we get feeling like this. Yes, WE, you're not alone. When I'm in the pits, I just want to vent and let my friends know how I feel and I just want hugs and pats and guarantees that it'll be OK. It will you know. There are jobs out there....there reallly are.

Don't feel overwhelmed, just take baby steps. Do what you can until you can do more.

We're here for you. Well, I am anyway.

Beth @ fatbustermack said...

I'm so sorry! I feel you so much, you can get through this! Confession: I bought a 22 pack of 160 cal chips last weekend. I ate all but 5. Yeah. SUCK. I didn't eat any chips yesterday and didn't eat any today. so those are wins... but I feel ya!

M Pax said...

Ah. Hugs. I agree with Fat Girl v. World. Go ahead and cry and let it out.

You are at a time of uncertainty with a lot of rejection. It's hard. I know. Rejection be my life.

If you take care of yourself, it still stings, but it doesn't flatten you so much. Does that make any sense?

Take care of you and get yourself feeling good and other things will fall into place.

It's a crappy time for job hunting. You're going to need more patience than you've got. Hang in there, lift your chin and fight the good fight.

Learning to be Less said...

Dude I just saw this. Sorry about your crappy time. Maybe if you go to the gym and just walk on the treadmill for a while and stare at boys, you will have motivation to come back.

You are worth this journey, don't throw it all away. Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off.