slowly slowly... dully dully!

It is dullville here.
Eating good. Exercise good. Water good.

Reset all my wii fit targets and goals so I can start again. Hopefully this will motivate me to get back to using it properly. I did have fun on it this morning. lol. Also discovered it is yet another way to communicate with Sarah (big_mummy). Not like we need another one with twitter, facebook, chat and texting. :D

Cleaned the flat too.

I have loads of studying ahead. Long hours sitting in the library etc. So I have been thinking about ideas of breaking it down without going to the gym. The library is over road for the swimming baths so I could do that, just go for a walk, wander aimlessly round the library... any more suggestions?

Also whilst my flatmate is at work and I have been stuck in the flat alone feeling miserable. I have decided to do more sociable things. How am I going to meet people if I become a hermit? So I have joined the uni film society. Film one tonight. I know, its rude to talk during a movie so how is that sociable? Well they go for drinkies and discuss it afterwards. :D cue meeting people.

over and out.

Return of the gym pervert!

Sadly, that is me. lol. It is true. I oogle hotties at the gym. ALOT.
Today was no exception. I have missed going to the gym.

I went to the gym for the first time in what feels like forever. Boy, did my body feel it. I only managed an hour but I didn't want to push things. My grandma hip was hurting! But the new shoes were a hit :D no pain or nothing!!

Eating is good. Exercise back on track. Feeling positive. It's just one day but I hope the momentum will last :D I haven't gained any more weight. Still stuck at the shitty 19 stone 10. I can feel the change!

*fingers crossed*

Things are a changing...

Today was a huge reminder of why I need and want to lose weight.

I went shopping with my flatmate. It was an experience. I was reminded how I don't fit into all those pretty clothes, how I only ever wear like 5 different items of clothing because that is all I feel comfortable in and because I refuse to buy clothes in this size or bigger. I felt angry at myself because this weight loss journey has reached a stand still and I had stopped really caring. I was disgusted at how those clothes were practically three times smaller than what I was wearing. Today I really felt fat.

Also for the first time in a long time I got thigh chaffage and a frickin' blister on my foot. More reminders of just how fat I am. It made me slightly miserable. I have stop feeling that way and feeling fucking sorry for myself and JUST DO IT.

Looking back over the pictures of my visit to London at the weekend I noticed my double chin is more prominent than ever. Bah. I did, however, have an awesome time in London (for tose of you who saw my facebook photos will know)


So in order to create some positive momentum I got myself some new gym shoes.
Tomorrow is gym time. No more excuses, just doing. Well at least while I am feeling positive.
TA-DAH.

size does matter!

This is me squeezed into a large sized tshirt. Pretty cosy. I got it free from the freshers fair. Since I'm a third year I shouldn't have gone but I needed to stock on a load of free crap. I didn't even look at the t-shirt til I was cold and squeezed it over my dress. I looked in the mirror and almost died laughing. Size does matter. What a funny way for life to tell me to get back on track!!!

Also when I was in town yesterday meeting my flat mate for lunch I was standing in the queue to get a drink when I noticed the girl in front of me was wearing the same tshirt as me. Initially I was like cooool but when I looked again I felt sad. My snoopy (thats what was on the shirt) was twice the size of hers. Clearly size eight is smaller but my Snoopy was the godzilla of Snoopy's. But instead of heading over to Krispy Kreme to down my sorrow in a yummy glazed filled box of donuts I walked it off and got a banana instead. Also the thought of big_mummy giving me another arse kicking inspired me to be good.

I am back on track but with little enthusiasm to be honest. I am just not feeling it. *sigh* well not the exercise bit anyways...

big fat pile of stupid!

My ex. The heart breaker got in touch last night.
After two years.
He looks amazing.
I am still two stone heavier. With a face full of angry spots.

What did I do?
Immediately vomited. My whole body started shaking. Heart pounding!
Cried. He was a complete cunt to me. But... he still has that effect on me.
He caused an actual physical reaction!!!

Sat down on the couch, cried some more and ate an entire box of biscuits.
Yeah. ENTIRE BOX.
Glad that's all there was to eat or I would be binging like crazy.
Sorry I was planning to catch up on blogs last night but he totally threw me for a loop.

GARGH.
I am an idiot in more ways than one.

catching up...

Thank you for all the birthday wishes!!

The birthday weekend went pretty special. It turns out it wasn't the food or exercise that let me down. It was the drinkies. I didn't buy many but I kept having them placed into my hand!!! Lots of drinkies. Though not enough to embarrass myself just enough to have a merry old time. They took me to a cavern! That's right. A cavern. Very weird but hilarious! Our tour guide was anything but conventional and once he found out it was my birthday that was it. He picked on me the entire tour! As we discovered through out the tour I had no money, I couldn't sing and can't cook. He made the joke I wasn't a catch. The tour group sang happy birthday to me in the big special cavern with the sparkly rock and special ol' me got to go into a crevice that was all fenced off and get to touch the special rocks. Thank you tour guide Ben. He made it very fun. Then after we had an ice cream and off to the pub.
Here's a pic of me and Ben. The red face? Almost had a heart attack climbing back up the 350 plus steps. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Since the weekend I am back on track. Uni starts tomorrow. Could not be more excited. Internet is finally working properly now. woohoo :D

Got lots of catching up on you guys to do!

luck for the weekend?

ok peoples... I need the luck. Hit me up.
I finally made it back on track, head in the game.

But tomorrow is the birthday.
22.
can i be controlled and still have fun?

royal arse kicking!!!

The last couple of days I have been in a funk. Couldn't seem to shake myself out of it. But others could. I got two doses of reality (fuck, I have missed blogging!) one from big_mummy and Jack Sh!t...

Whilst talking to big_mummy I confessed to her I was drinking Irn bru. (don't know if you know it it? full of fucking sugar but super delicious!) and right there and then she said...

"You can fucking do this! You kick ass when your head is in the right place... No. I command you to stop feeling sorry for your self and go pour the orange deliciousness down the sink...When you weigh it doesn't matter what that number is because next week it will be lower." she even put her stern face on!!

I actually got up and poured it out. It was a catalyst moment. She also encouraged me to go step. I did that too. I felt better for it. For doing both. The pouring out of the irn bru felt empowering, as corny as that sounds. I really needed this kick up my fat arse. I obviously wasn't doing it by myself. She also reminded me I had to do it myself. I no longer have the family to blame. My period is gone. There are no more excuses.

So then later I was still catching up on blogs I read an awesome post by Jack Sh!t. It was very inspirational. One thing in particular he said really resounded with me and it was

"We're not chained to the person we are. There's nothing holding us back if we wake up and decide to make the transformation."

That is very true. I needed to hear that. I am always saying tomorrow I'll get back on track tomorrow or I am not feeling like me, I need to change, tomorrow. Just empty excuses. No changes. I am NOT chained to the fat person who scoffs everything down.

NOW. THINGS NEED TO CHANGE NOW.
AND THEY WILL.

Officially back. oh yeah.

Woohooo. Everyone rejoice I have the internet at home :D

But I haven't fully recovered my mojo. I have no excuses. No reasons not to be back on track.
Just not feeling it. I have no feelings to do anything. Still not friends with my uterus but my period is dead for now. No pain. No energy. No motivation. Finding it hard just to get up out of bed. Got no appetite for food in general. Bah. Like right now, the fridge is pretty bare and need to go to the shop. CAN'T BE ARSED.

In fact it has taken me an hour to write that last paragraph. I am back to zero energy. I don't feel miserable but something is definitely lacking. Maybe it is pure boredom. School doesn't start til next week. I have no routine. Nothing to do. I MEAN NOTHING.

Maybe a shower will inject some energy into my life.
But it's not a magic shower *sigh*

ok plan. shower. shop. catch up on blogs.
been pretty bad on catching up. *sigh*

i.hate.my.uterus.

Yep. It's true. I do. I hate my uterus. It is not my friend.

Despite the relief of its arrival after being more than three weeks late my period has fast earned my hatred. This weekend it left me curled in the fetal position having a sex and the city marathon. So pretty much didn't leave the couch. No cooking. Lots of easy snacking. So it wasn't the best weekend. The pain is still here and the internet is not. So I dragged my arse off the couch and made it to the library. However, the pain is really really bad so I am not sure how long I will stay here.

I did not weigh in today. I couldn't bring myself to drag my fat bloated period filled disgusting body onto the scales and see another negative number. I want to say I will increase good effort but with feeling this shitty I doubt good behaviour will follow. Did I mention I hate my uterus?

Still no internet at home. There's a guy coming to fix it tomorrow. BOOOOO.
Positives to focus on: I love where I live. Both the flat and the area. Uni is starting next week. My birthday is this coming Saturday.

HELLO I am not dead :D

Hello. It's true. I am not dead. Just internetless. Boooooooo.
Very sucky.

Finally all moved in. Internet should arriva by friday so I should be locked and loaded and ready to catch up on all your lovely blogs by the weekend. I forgot how busy and stressful moving places can be. Just unpacked. It's not the best looking flat but I puffy heart it. Location is perfect. And this place is not infested with mold or nasty neighbours.

Weigh on Monday had me up 6lbs but I am already averaging 13 thousand steps a day here so I am not too worried about it. Uni doesn't start til the 21st so I am still not in any real routine but hopefully things should settle down this week now theres no more unpacking and shit to do. I am just happy not to be sleeping on a fricking air bed!!!

Eating hasn't been good at all. Kinda been exploring the area so lots of eating out but now we now about everything that will stop. The wii is now hooked up. I am back to drinking water. So yeah things are good. I am all smiles.

I thought my whining might send some of you packing but misery obviously loves company because I've gained some new followers! Helllllllllloooooooooooooooo.

over and out
the NONE moany Simone-y

the return of the serial whiner...

Firstly, (I know I say this an awful frickin' lot) but the support I get on this blog blows me away. It really does. I can't thank everyone who commented enough, I cannot stress how grateful I truely am for the kind words, sane advice and kicks up the bum. I PUFFY HEART YOU PEOPLE. yes you. *points*

This week I was in a dark dark dark dark place. It was pretty dark. It was the blackhole of self pity and major frustation. Not good. My mood just plummeted dramatically and could not pull myself out of it. Infact the only thing good enough to lift my spirits was a call to say I could move into the new flat. ON FRIDAY. That's right people I am frickin' moving. *content sigh* That call literally brightened up my entire week. Creeping out of that black hole was pretty sucky. I cried quite alot. Did I mention I'm a serial sobber? My stomach cramping from so much bad food was the trigger. When your body is screaming out don't do this, its a pretty good frickin' sign to eat healthy. Did I listen? oh no. More crying. More munching.

Also just reading about those people who lose weight consistantly everyweek kinda stop motivating me and made me miserable. Instead of rooting for them I was just jealous and sick of not being like that, not staying focused and making stupid mistakes. I feel really bad admitting to that. Seriously you big consistant losers I love yer. Honest. Just y'know, having a baaaaaaaaaaaad week!!!

Turns out that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. Sometime I forget other people have been through this weight loss crap. I want to highlight what hope_fool said in response to my major downer post... click here. TA DAH. What she said about weightloss being a rock that you're pushing up hill really stuck with me. I appreciate her post, alot. Also Amber over on her blog.... *blog portal here* Summed up a lot of how I felt. Thank you for your support my lovely ladies.

I felt like I couldn't blog because it was the same old whiney crap. Figured it would be better to let the pity party fizzle out. Plus I really would just be repeating myself. This time I am not making grid iron promises that I am religously going to be back on track. Those promises usually come back to bite my fat arse. And things are going to busy and shit with moving, plus I haven't seen my flat mate in like three months so there is some catching up and celebrating to be done. It doesn't mean I am abandoning all moderation or going off the rails.

Which leads me to... an explained absence. Not sure when we're going to get the internet in the flat so I will MIA for a couple more days. Gonna go catch up with some bloggity blogs!

*edit*

My mother got her shit together. her blog is here.... shrinking violet.

If you have a spare minute just say hi or something....